Marital separations are one of the most difficult grieving processes to face and, therefore, to overcome. In fact, famous scholars of the subject such as British sociologist Anthony Giddens defines separation as a process that occurs at different levels related to each other and talks about up to six divorce proceedings -which would be the emotional, the legal, the economic, the coparental, the social and the psychic-; that every couple must face to complete their breakup.
These processes, moreover, are not temporally parallel, but at times they overlap and interrelate. In this way, emotional breakdown usually begins long before physical separation, and it can drag on long after the legal process is complete. The legal, for its part, is usually closely linked to the economic; Y the social and the psychological are usually the last to be resolved.
How then to overcome a marital breakdown? By likening it, on the one hand, to a duel, it is already clear that it is a process that will require time, a lot of patience and a large dose of positivity to turn the page. However, it should not be associated with mourning as a synonym for loss since it is more about close a stage of life that will be followed by many others.
From whose point of view is suffering the separation having the support of your circle of friends and family is essential. Part of the advances and achievements that are made in this sentimental duel are intimately linked to how the newly separated person supports themselves on them.
Obviously, change begins with oneself. An interesting study carried out at Stanford University revealed that those people who after a break up put into operation its resilience and abandon the role of victim as soon as possible, overcome separation and / or divorce sooner than those who, on the contrary they stagnate looking for a why to what has happened to them.
Therapists also stress the importance of resume partner lifel progressively. Taking refuge in friends, family, co-workers and, in general, with anyone with whom we feel comfortable is a step forward in this difficult process. Being accompanied, making plans or simply talking allow the person who has suffered the emotional breakdown moments of escape and well-being and the possibility of replacing negativity with positive energy diverting the focus of attention from the hard moment that is going through.
Likewise, it is also time to take time for yourself, to take advantage of it in doing those things that during the relationship we left parked, resume old hobbies, experiment with new ones and start new projects that give us back our illusion. Being active will also allow the mind not to dwell on negative thoughts. This is a good system to stop regretting what we have lost and to realize everything we have to do, in addition to making us aware that we are the architects of our own happiness and we have ability to enjoy ourselves.
It is possible, however, that making plans with the friends we shared with the ex-partner could constantly remember her or that part of them and the family itself position themselves or have more affinity with it. In that case, it is also a good time to expand the circle of friends. Meeting new people with whom you can share a good conversation and affinities can be a liberation and bring us new experiences.
Special mention deserve the children in common of the couple. Take refuge in them too can give a very important emotional support for both parties but always respecting their right to be neutral: They should not be used as messengers to send ‘communications’ to the other – since they could feel used – or speak ill of the ex-partner no matter how hurt we may feel at any given moment.