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New York : What to say (and what not) to a family that has lost a baby

New York :

A “deep pain”This is how model Chrissy Teigen, 34, described the loss of her third child to musician John Legend.

Through a message on Instagram, Teigen said in early October that she was in the middle of the pregnancy and that she had just undergone a check-up at the hospital when her son Jack died.

The miscarriage is the most common cause of the loss of a baby during pregnancy.

Estimates vary, but according to a quote on its page by the World Health Organization (WHO), it is believed that the percentage of women who know they are pregnant and lose their baby is between the 10% and 15%.

Also, year 2.6 million babies they are born lifeless in the world.

Still, most of us struggle to find words of comfort for parents who experience loss.

“We are shocked and suffering a kind of pain that you have only heard of, the kind of pain that you have not felt before,” Teigen posted on his Instagram account.

And, unfortunately, it is a pain that we all have trouble talking about.

Return to normal

“If someone has never lost a baby, they can’t understand what you’ve been through,” says Louise.

Her son, Ellis, passed away when he was four days old from sudden infant death syndrome, a term used for an apparently healthy baby who dies suddenly.

“The strangers didn’t know what to say,” he explains.

Louise
Louise recounts how painful it was to lose her baby four days after he was born. (Photo: LOUISE BARRETT)

“A client at work told me: ‘Don’t worry, you’re still very young, you can have another baby.’

“Which implied that the baby’s life was not important.”

“Our friends and family were always there for us. As long as they were there it didn’t really matter that they knew or not what to say“.

“You talk about other things. It’s about getting back to normal after going through such a horrible experience. “

Find the words

Sometimes people don’t know what to say, so they don’t say anything.

And that, says Kate Marsh, a midwife who brings with the NGO Tommy – an organization that provides support and information to parents who have suffered these kinds of losses – is the worst thing you can do.

“Many people have doubts about what to say. Many fear saying the wrong thing or making the situation worse. “

“The most important thing, definitely, is say something”, Explain.

“Ideally, say something like ‘I’m sorry this happened to you'”

Use the baby’s name

Recognizing the baby’s name — and using it — can also be important.

Drawing of a couple who lost a child
It is important to acknowledge the life of the baby that his parents lost. (Photo: .)

“If you bring up the baby’s name and they cry, rest assured you haven’t said anything bad,” says Marcia Jones, who works for the organization’s helpline The Lullaby Trust, which provides support to parents who have suffered a loss.

“It is what is happening to them at that moment. The pain is still very fresh, ”he explains.

Send a message

If you prefer not to speak it in person, you can send a message.

The recommendation is that it be short and what in the he acknowledge what he’s been through.

“You can then send a text or message to a more personal space to offer your support.”

Put yourself at their disposal

Experts say that if you offer help, you should be consistent and comply.

Shopping for them, cleaning or walking the dog are simple ways to show that you care.

Don’t be so afraid of saying the wrong thing and that it will make you avoid seeing them, says Jones.

“Grief is not a disease.”

Louise agrees, saying that knowing that people recognize your baby and their life is “what matters most.”

“I always wanted people to say his name,” he explains.

“Ellis lived, was part of our family and still is.”


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